Former Indian spinner Laxman Sivaramakrishnan not only faced racism but also suffered from mental health issues. Once praised as one of Team India’s finest young talents, he soon found himself called an “alcoholic” while still a teenager.
In an interview with The Indian Express, he said, “People love to spread bad things. My tours happened between 16 and 19 years. How would people serve me alcohol in a hotel when I was underage? I have never done drugs in my life. I have had a few beers later in my life – I don’t say no to that. But imagine a 19-year-old being called an alcoholic, a drug addict.”
Laxman Sivaramakrishnan also shared how his parents placed a matrimonial advertisement, stating his status as a Test cricketer and a flat owner, with a post box number for responses. Two weeks later, when they opened the box, there was no application.
“It meant people had made my reputation so terrible that nobody wanted to let their daughter marry me,” he shared. “A day after I returned home from the 1987 World Cup, the Tamil Nadu selectors called me in. They asked me to tell the press I was unfit. I said I won’t. I will not make things easy for you. If you want, you drop me.”
“I was down completely and I didn’t want to see myself in the mirror. I would have a couple of drinks and go to sleep because I couldn’t bear anything. Whenever I was awake, I thought I was going to die. Sometimes when we were travelling in Dubai, there’s no speed limit. If the vehicle went very fast, something in my mind would tell me to just open the door and jump out. Somehow, something stopped me from doing anything silly,” he further added.
“You close your eyes, you see images you can’t imagine-all very frightening. You open your eyes, there’s nothing. But you’re so tired that you want to sleep. You close your eyes again, then open them, and there goes your sleep. Every time, you manage to tangle yourself tighter and tighter. And you have the whole world outside saying, ‘See, I told you. Liquor is the reason. I told you,'” L Sivaramakrishnan concluded.
